I think I've finally reached the point in my life where I can't take it any more. I've struggled internally with my weight for long time and tonight it's just become too much. I'm not huge. I'm a UK size 8. But somehow, I'm a flabby 8. I get bloated and I have some kind of issue with holding my weight on my hips.
I'm supposed to be going out tonight, it's my last day of exams and everyone on my course is going to be out. I bought a new outfit I thought I would look cute in, but when I got home and put it on I couldn't have been more mortified with the way I look. Bits poking out here and there, my skin is terrible recently. I was so disgusted with how I looked I pretty much just broke down crying on my bed.
I feel terrible letting everyone down, but if I went out I would have a horrible night and I would be so pre-occupied with how I look I think I would bring everyone else down. All I want to do right now is run.
Away from my problems, away from the fat, away from being so freaking lonely all the time. All I want right now is to be with Den, but that's over two months away. I need to get through this and I think the only way to do that is to concentrate on getting my weight down.
I'm going to run and figure out some sort of plan for exercise and keeping to it. I can't do this anymore. I'm 24 and I should be comfortable in my own skin, but it's suffocating me. I have to get out of it.
Something has to change, and it has to be me.