Kim
So. My third day of freedom, and damn it feels good. I still technically have my dissertation to write but it will get it's ass kicked in a few days. I'll have 7ish whole days to write it, and I think that's ample time to nail it! i want to do it well, so I really need to get on it. I would start now, but I figure working 10 hour days as well, will not lend to good writing. I feel a little like i'm cheating, but after reading one of Andy's assignments, I feel like I'm better equipped to write this thing well. Not copying, just taking hints from his writing style.
I'm feeling a little better than I was the other day with the weight issue. I think a week of stress eating + it being over = meltdown. I'm hopefully going to be going to the doctors sometime this week to get my preventer inhaler, and then that should mean that I can start running again with out killing my self ;) I can't wait! Then the graduation ball is next week, I still fit into my dress, which is great news, and I think the shoes I bought the other day might go with it ok, happy days!
Anyway, I'm going to enjoy my morning of nothing to do before I have to head to work later.



"In the confrontation between the stream and the rock, the stream always wins; not through strength, but through persistence."
Buddha



We do not grow absolutely, chronologically. We grow sometimes in one dimension, and not in another; unevenly. We grow partially. We are relative. We are mature in one realm, childish in another. The past, present, and future mingle and pull us backward, forward, or fix us in the present. We are made up of layers, cells, constellations.
Anaia Nin



How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world.
Anne Frank



Realize you are responsible for your life. The decisions, the choices you make are yours. Don't blame others for things not working out, take responsibility, change the things that need changing
Kim
I think I've finally reached the point in my life where I can't take it any more. I've struggled internally with my weight for long time and tonight it's just become too much. I'm not huge. I'm a UK size 8. But somehow, I'm a flabby 8. I get bloated and I have some kind of issue with holding my weight on my hips.
I'm supposed to be going out tonight, it's my last day of exams and everyone on my course is going to be out. I bought a new outfit I thought I would look cute in, but when I got home and put it on I couldn't have been more mortified with the way I look. Bits poking out here and there, my skin is terrible recently. I was so disgusted with how I looked I pretty much just broke down crying on my bed.
I feel terrible letting everyone down, but if I went out I would have a horrible night and I would be so pre-occupied with how I look I think I would bring everyone else down. All I want to do right now is run.
Away from my problems, away from the fat, away from being so freaking lonely all the time. All I want right now is to be with Den, but that's over two months away. I need to get through this and I think the only way to do that is to concentrate on getting my weight down.
I'm going to run and figure out some sort of plan for exercise and keeping to it. I can't do this anymore. I'm 24 and I should be comfortable in my own skin, but it's suffocating me. I have to get out of it.
Something has to change, and it has to be me.